Eating Disorders - A nice light topic to start

First blog. Here we go. 


It was brought to my attention that this week is Eating Disorders Awareness Week. 
The person that mentioned it, asked that it be talked about. I'm doing my part.


First, I want to talk about the person that mentioned it.  Unfortunately, we aren't close enough for me to know exactly what she is going through, but I've been watching her journey via FB. I've seen the pictures of the scale smashing, I've seen the self defeating status', I've seen the beautiful smiles. She is an amazing, strong, wonderful woman who is going through a tough battle. But she WILL win! I know it!


I guess now is the time to talk about my own journey with eating disorders. I don't even know when it started really. I have had body issues for ... well... a really long time. Before puberty, I was skinny as a rail. Then, one day, BAM!!! I had boobs and hips and THIGHS.... oh my goodness the thighs!  And there started the issues. Kids are mean! It doesn't matter that they are going through the same thing, girls will make fun of other girls who are bigger than them. It doesn't matter if they want to stare at boobs, guys will make fun of girls for having a big butt and "thunder thighs". I suppose I could come up with all sorts of excuses as to WHY and HOW I got on the path I was on. It wasn't just teasing from school mates and neighbours, there were comments from certain family members, from "friends", and boyfriends. I wasn't going through the best times of my life in other aspects either. But we won't get into that. So, I suppose if you want to put a title on it, I was bulimic (non purging). I would go for weeks, sometimes months where all I would eat  was one slice of ham, or one piece or bread in a day. Sometimes I would "splurge" and have a tiny bowl of cereal. Other days I wouldn't eat at all. Then there were the "bad" days. I would eat... OH would I eat!!! I would eat everything I could get my hands on! Food didn't have a taste so it really didn't matter what it was. I remember once, I ate an entire box of saltine crackers; a full box of cereal; half a container of ice cream; a block of cheese; two cans of tuna; I even found myself munching on uncooked spaghetti noodles because I had eaten everything else and I couldn't wait long enough for them to cook. 

Sadly, this cycle went on for a few years. In 1994 or so, I met a wonderful woman named Gina. Gina used to be a model. Gina suffered a stroke at a young age. This stroke was due to her own battle with an eating disorder, and left her paralyzed on the left side of her body. I think she was the first one to actually see what was going on (I hid it quite well... don't we all at first?). She sat me down one day and described to me IN DETAIL what happens to a persons organs when they don't eat. It scared me. A lot! Enough that I started (slowly) getting back into eating properly. But, the second I noticed my clothes getting a little tight, I was back at it. The binges were worse and the time between them was longer.


Then I met this guy. He was one of the funniest guys I had ever met. Tall, dark and handsome. I reeeeaaaalllly liked him, and wanted him to feel the same. I don't know if he even knows it, but I give him HUGE credit for pulling me out of it. Honestly, to this day, I don't think he knows how far in I was. Or how big of an impact he had on getting me out. I didn't want to be that person anymore... Gina's words were coming back to me and meaning more than they ever had. I made the decision to fight past whatever it was that made me feel like I wasn't good enough in the  physical state I THOUGHT I was in and see what state I ACTUALLY was in. Soon after I made the decision, I realized I was pregnant. I took that as a sign. I hadn't reached the point where I had destroyed my body. I was still able to make life. And this life that was growing inside of me needed taking care of. It was a tough battle... but it was one I fought through (happily). I was lucky. I won that battle. I still struggle with food and body issues. I don't think an eating disorder is something you ever completely overcome. But you can definitely learn to STOP and think and realize and decide to take the right path. One tiny section at  a time.


To that guy, thank you for being you. I wish you all the happiness in the world, and I am glad you have found it!
To Gina, I'm sad that we haven't seen each other in so many years. I'm sure you are still the powerful woman that helped change my life. Thank you.
And to my friend that is struggling now, I know my journey  was NOTHING compared to yours, but I want  you to know you are not alone. You are beautiful, strong, amazing... you are going to kick ass! You got this!