Do you believe that there is a "plan" for us? I'm not a religious person, but I do believe there is a higher power at work. I just can't name it. Is it God (or another deity), is it Fate, is it Karma? Is it all of the above?
How do we know if we are making the choices we are supposed to be making? I look back and think about certain choices I've made, and I know that my life would be entirely different had I chosen to take a different path. But I must be where I am for a reason, right? Not much has changed from a couple posts ago. I still love my job (for the most part) but the rest is mediocre. I'm still single. I'm still trying to figure out how a single mom in a new town gets out and meets people. I've been here almost 8 years... I suppose I should have that figured out... but I don't.
I realize that fear has dictated a lot of the choices I've made. Fear of failure, and at the same time, fear of success. Maybe I'm supposed to have a mediocre life, but I find that hard to believe. Shouldn't we all find our happy? I don't mean disgustingly giddy or excessively ecstatic, but some form of contentment without being indifferent.
I haven't had an easy life. I've gone through a lot of shit that people really shouldn't have to go through. But there are a lot of people out there that have gone through a lot worse. So how do I find that happy? I keep getting told that in order to find someone, I need to be happy by myself. "Stop looking" I'm told over and over and over again. "He'll come around when you least expect it" they say. I wouldn't say I'm looking. If I'm not actively trying to meet someone, does that mean I'm looking? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying my happiness lies with a man. But it wouldn't hurt. At least not a good relationship.
Where else could I find my happy? In doing the things I like to do, perhaps. I miss theatre. I have a guitar that calls my name every day! "Learn me! Play me! LOVE me!" I'd like to travel, and explore, and go on adventures. What stops me? Fear. Again.
I guess the real question - rather than how do I find my happy - is how do I beat the fear. Hmmm .... I suppose that's a topic for another day!
