I've been wondering lately, HOW is it possible to be so happy and so miserable at the same time? I don't know... but that's me! My work life, is aaaaaamazing! I'm loving the job!
But that's where the happiness ends. From there it goes to mediocre and then down right crappy.
I'm about to do a life overhaul. I'm just having a hard time figuring out who and what to cut out.
I know there are a couple of people who NEED to be "let go". The relationships are toxic, for different reasons. But I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to hurt people. And I don't like having enemies. That's why I'm having a hard time getting rid of one person.
Another one, is even harder. He's a huge part of my life. And without getting into too much detail, I love him. But the situation was never a good one. Not from day one. Recently, the ONE thing that I thought would make our situation easier, happened. But of course, the situation isn't easier. In fact, I think it's worse. I went from talking to him every day, to not hearing from him in a week . I'm changing my phone number tomorrow, and I'm not even sure I'll be giving him the new one. He seems to be showing me a side that I didn't see before. Or I did see, but ignored.
I always want to see the good in people. That's why I am having such a hard time figuring out WHO needs to be removed from my life. That might even be harder than actually removing them. I need to surround myself with more positive people. The problem is, I haven't really surrounded myself with ANYONE. I don't go anywhere, I don't do anything. Unless it involves work or my kids. I have no REAL, close friends. I remember back home, I had a great circle of friends. Any given day, I could find someone to go for coffee with, or to come visit if I couldn't get out of the house. If I found myself bored at home alone, I had a number of places I could go and I would be guaranteed to run into someone worth talking to. How do I get that here? I have no idea! Do I need to make more of an effort to see the people I think I would like to spend more time with? Do I need to find some sort of something to join, so that I can meet people? Do I need to pay attention to see if there are people trying to spend time with me? My problem is being a single mom. It's not the easiest thing in the world to get out of the house, when you are on your own. But maybe it's time to start asking for help. Something I've never really been good at.
I'm starting to realize that it is time to start putting myself first. Now I just need to figure out how to do it.
In the mean time, I'm going to try to live my life according to the picture below... wish me luck!
