Surgery tomorrow. Super nervous. I've never had surgery of any sort. I've never been "put under". I'm not sure what it's going to feel like... and I'm pretty scared about what it's going to feel like coming out of it. That and I'm not too keen on pain.
I do not, however, have the slightest bit of apprehension about WHAT is being done. I'm FINALLY getting my tubes tied! I have always, for as long as I've thought about having kids, said I was having no more than 2 and I would be done by 30. Well... check and check.
My family doctor and I talked about it when I was pregnant with my youngest child. If I were to have a c section, he would do it while he was in there. But if not, he wanted me to try the IUD for 5 years. If, after 5 years I still wanted it done, he would do it. His reason was that being that I was single, he thought I might change my mind if I met someone. That didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but I went with it. He'd been my doctor since I was 2. It's possible he knew me better than I knew myself. So I ended up having a super fast labour (please don't hate me, ladies. It was WAY more painful than my longer labour) and didn't get it done. But I opted not to get the IUD.
A year after my youngest was born, I moved to a different town. I found a doctor there who told me he thought I was too young. I was 30! Between me and my then boyfriend we had 4 boys! Three of the under the age of 5! How could I possibly have been too young?!? I mean really! Besides that, I knew plenty of women that had it done in their 20s!
A while later my boyfriend and I broke up. I found a different doctor. But he wouldn't do it either! "What if one of your children passes away?" he asked. Oh, did that piss me off! What am I going to do? Replace him?! Fuck no!! There is no "replacing" my children! "What if you meet a guy and he's absolutely the one. Everything is exactly as it should be, except that he wants kids with you and you can't have any more?" Then he's not the right one! Where do you come up with this shit?! I had all the right answers! But he still refused to do it, saying he didn't feel right doing it because I wasn't in a committed relationship! I sure as hell was in a committed relationship! I was committed to my two boys. The only constants in my life at that point! The two men I could ALWAYS count on. But, because I didn't have a man standing behind me, nodding that, yes, it was ok for the little lady to stop bearing children, this doctor was NOT going to give me what I asked for. I was livid! But what could I do?
Not long after that, I moved to a bigger city, which is where I am now. It's next to impossible to find a doctor here, so the walk in clinic is the place to go. Every time I had to go to the clinic, I would ask."How does a person go about getting their tubes tied?" Five, FIVE different doctors told me no. One said I had to talk to my family doctor (even though I didn't have one) and the rest said the same as the last guy. Not in a committed relationship? No can do!
Finally, I went in one day for some random silly small thing. The doctor I talked to said there was something else wrong with me. I confessed to him about my little thyroid issue that I had been avoiding. He told me that if I went and got my blood work done right away, he would take me on as a patient. But if I didn't, I could forget I ever talked to him. So off I went. About a year later, after getting my thyroid mostly under control, I brought up the subject. My doctor is 70 something... I fully expected the same answer. "You want a tubal?" he asked. Yup! "Know what it does?" I know the basics of it, yes. "Ok. I'll write the letter. The specialist will be calling you soon" Was I hearing him right?! Really? That was it? No questions, no nothing? I explained to him that numerous other doctors had told me no because I wasn't in a relationship. "That is so 20 years ago" he says!!! Really?!? My 70+ year old doctor is ok with it, but the guys in their 40's and 50's will have nothing of it?! Amazing.
So here I am, on the eve of getting what I've wanted, what I've fought and begged for for 6 years, and I'm FREAKING OUT!
Oh... I've gotta go eat...EVERYTHING... I'm not allowed to eat after midnight!
Until next time! ♥
