Day 5 - Misconceptions

Day Five: The biggest misconception you think people have about single life

I had a few ideas on how to answer this one. People think that being single means one of two things: either we're out partying all the time, or we're always sad and lonely.

I have to admit, the latter is probably closer to the truth for me, but it's still not true. Maybe it's because I have kids. Maybe it's because I'm older and don't have the energy to party anymore. Who knows. But I'm not into that scene. And to be honest, that's not how I want to meet someone. The partying type is not the type for me.

So I stay home for the most part. Sure, I go out once in a while, but I don't need it. That doesn't mean that I'm sad and lonely. Sure I get sad. And sure I feel lonely sometimes. But just because I'm sitting at home, waiting for Prince Charming to knock on my door, doesn't mean I'm a big sad sack! A lot of us enjoy the quiet time. I personally don't get a lot of that, with the kids around, but that makes me enjoy it that much more when I get it.

I suppose that's it. That's what I think is the biggest misconception. We do know how to balance fun and alone time :)

Day 4 - My Biggest Fear

Day Four: Your biggest fear as a single person.

This one is easy. My biggest fear as a single person is that I will ALWAYS be a single person. That's scary!

The thought that I will never find my forever person actually haunts me. I sometimes feel like it runs my life! I'm almost at 10 years single. That already feels like a lifetime. I so badly want someone to share my life with. I mean the rest of it isn't really so bad. I have two amazing boys. A roof over my head. A good job that I feel appreciated at. I may not have a lot of friends that I spend a lot of time with here, but I have a good support system. I'd just like someone to share it with. Cliche, I know, but it's true. One of my kids is grown and gone, and the other is only a few years away (although I suspect he won't go far). Wouldn't it be nice to have someone to live out my "golden years" with? To enjoy grandchildren with? And let's be fully honest here... I need some physical LOVIN'!

Day 3 - When being single was awesome

Day Three: Describe a moment or day when being single was really awesome.

This one has taken a lot of thought. My first thoughts were all those times I hear of bad things happening in a relationship, or any sort of minor tribulation that couples go through. But, while those may make me happy for a moment that I don't have to deal with that, I realize that good or bad, it would be nice to have someone there for me.

So... when was a time that being single was really awesome? I'm still not really sure. I'm sure there must have been some moments in these past 10 years where I was happy to be single, but even after thinking about it all weekend, I just can't pin point anything.

All I can really think of at this point is that I'm not really accountable to anyone. I don't have to think about another person's time line when I'm making plans. Even that is pretty new, though! It may not have been a significant other that I've had to think about, but children work the same way.

I suppose I need to think about this a little more....

Day Two - When Being Single Sucked

Day Two: Describe a moment or day when being single really sucked

Well, how long do you have? Having been single for so long, there have been many moments and days when being single sucked. Weddings, family parties, countless holidays, the birth of my youngest child, illnesses, you name it.

But there are two times, with similar circumstances that really stood out when I read this question. Those would be the passing of my Gram in 2013 and my Gramps in 2015. I can't say one was any worse than the other, as I was close to both of them. They were two of the most important people in my life. In both instances, I found out through a phone call. All I wanted was for someone to wrap their arms around me and hold on tight. To be able to grieve for a moment. To feel protected. I'm the oldest of six siblings, so I had to be strong for my brothers and sisters. I had to be there for them. And then I realized, all but one of them has a significant other. Someone to hold them, someone to protect them. And in those moments I felt very alone. In those moments, being single really sucked!

Blog Challenge - Day One

You know how I keep saying I'm going to start writing more? Well, here I am, saying it again. This time I've got a little help. I stumbled across an old blog challenge from Mandy Hale creator of The Single Woman. If you want to check it out, here is the link to her original post (from 2013) http://thesinglewoman.net/2013/10/04/the-single-womans-30-day-blogging-challenge/

So, here we go. Day One. How do you respond to: "And why are you still single?"

Starting off with a tough one. I've been single almost 10 years now, so I have heard this one hundreds of times. I've also heard many opinions from others on the subject. I touched on the subject quite a while back on one of my previous posts. I've been told I'm looking too hard (see previous post for my opinion on that...) and that he will come along when I'm not looking. I've been told I'm too picky. I've been told so many things that I was starting to think that it didn't matter what I did, I would be alone forever.

I've done some work on myself recently (a topic for another post) and I've come to realize that I AM picky... but I think a better term for it is selective. It's been this long, why settle now?? Why would I lower my standards and expectations just so that I can be in a mediocre relationship with someone I settled for? I may be Vanilla, but I'm better than that! I - and my future partner - deserve better than that!

So that's my answer these days. I'm still single because I know what I am looking for in a partner, and I know he's out there somewhere. We will find each other some day.

What's the Plan?

Do you believe that there is a "plan" for us? I'm not a religious person, but I do believe there is a higher power at work. I just can't name it. Is it God (or another deity), is it Fate, is it Karma? Is it all of the above?

How do we know if we are making the choices we are supposed to be making? I look back and think about certain choices I've made, and I know that my life would be entirely different had I chosen to take a different path. But I must be where I am for a reason, right? Not much has changed from a couple posts ago. I still love my job (for the most part) but the rest is mediocre. I'm still single. I'm still trying to figure out how a single mom in a new town gets out and meets people. I've been here almost 8 years... I suppose I should have that figured out... but I don't.

I realize that fear has dictated a lot of the choices I've made. Fear of failure, and at the same time, fear of success. Maybe I'm supposed to have a mediocre life, but I find that hard to believe. Shouldn't we all find our happy? I don't mean disgustingly giddy or excessively ecstatic, but some form of contentment without being indifferent.

I haven't had an easy life. I've gone through a lot of shit that people really shouldn't have to go through. But there are a lot of people out there that have gone through a lot worse. So how do I find that happy? I keep getting told that in order to find someone, I need to be happy by myself. "Stop looking" I'm told over and over and over again. "He'll come around when you least expect it" they say. I wouldn't say I'm looking. If I'm not actively trying to meet someone, does that mean I'm looking? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying my happiness lies with a man. But it wouldn't hurt. At least not a good relationship.

Where else could I find my happy? In doing the things I like to do, perhaps. I miss theatre. I have a guitar that calls my name every day! "Learn me! Play me! LOVE me!" I'd like to travel, and explore, and go on adventures. What stops me? Fear. Again.

I guess the real question - rather than how do I find my happy - is how do I beat the fear. Hmmm .... I suppose that's a topic for another day!

All the feels

I cried last night. I don't really know what started it, but I cried. I cried until I couldn't breathe. The tears just kept coming. There seemed to be no stopping them. I sobbed, I wailed, I cried until I fell asleep. My pillow was soaked. My eyes were puffy. And I still cried. I even cried in my dreams.

At some point in all the crying I realized that I haven't cried in months. I used to cry at the drop of a hat. The last time I cried was at my Grandpa's celebration of life.

Why have I all of the sudden stopped crying? Have I grown up? I'm 39, I would hope I've grown up. But I don't think the crying had much to do with age or maturity. So what has changed? Have I gotten too jaded to cry? Sometimes a good cry helps. A big, snot filled, blubbering cry.

I wonder if all of the motivational posts saying that we shouldn't care what other people say about us are actually working against us. "Do what makes you happy." "Don't be concerned with the opinion of others." Have we become so unconcerned with other people's feelings that we forget to have our own?

This makes me wonder what other emotions (If we call crying an emotion) I've been missing out on. I like to tell myself I'm a fairly positive person. But am I? Is that why I haven't cried in so long, because I see everything rose coloured? I don't think so. When I said I'd cry at the drop of a hat, I meant it. Sad, happy, angry, it didn't matter.

Maybe instead of actually being the positive person I think I am, I'm actually just .... nothing. Maybe I'm just going through life in a "meh" state of mind.

I feel emotionally tired today. And yet, I still feel on the verge of tears. But here I am, writing. For the first time in, well, a REALLY long time. And I find myself wondering if I need to allow myself to feel the sadness so that I can appreciate the happy times. Even the small happy times. Maybe that's why I haven't written in so long. I couldn't FEEL anything, so how could I write?

I'm going to give myself permission to feel. Everything. I'm going to allow myself to smile, to cry, to laugh. To write!